Posted by: Matt Y | 06/23/2013

Power outage diary

Power outage timeline


8pm, Power goes out, and we just did some grocery shopping.  Alanis Morrisette would probably find irony in that.  Mother nature showed up to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and is all out of bubble gum.

10pm, went to Gym, maybe they have power.  Passed by neighborhood blocks with power. Wonder who they pray to, because maybe it’s time to renegotiate my religious preferences.

Indian grocery store has power.  They’ve got a calendar with a Goddess who rides a tiger.  Perhaps it’s blasphemous to say so, but that’s pretty bitchin’.  How’d Christianity ever convince people to convert?  You show me a Goddess who rides a tiger, and a dude on a stick, and I’d choose tiger every single time.

Drive to gym down Central Ave with the power out on half of the blocks.  In our new, post electricity society the right of way for driving is now determined by who has the balls to reach out and take it.

I think I can cross off participating in a demolition derby off of my bucket list.

11pm, went to gym, went home, watched Anchorman until the laptop battery died.  That movie is a lot edgier when it just fades to black during Ron Burgandy’s emotional breakdown.


7am, Power still out.  Water seeped into the basement.  Karen went to work, I went back to sleep.

9:30am, woke up, started mopping in the basement.  There are a lot of things that are more romantic to do by candlelight.  Screwing, well yeah.  Showering, absolutely.  Pooping?  A little actually.  Mopping?  Not at all.

12:30pm, took care of most of the water.  Stopped mopping, starting moping for the loss of my morning.

Toasted a Pop Tart with a stick lighter.  The end of times must be near.

1:30pm, most of that water seeped right fucking back to where it was before.  Son of a mother fucking cocksucking bitch.

2:30pm, moved my freezer into my brother in laws freezer.  He wasn’t home, so it was like a reverse burglary.  Went to Father-in-law’s house to help him with one of his old cars that got flooded due to knee high water in the street.

5pm, can’t say I helped all that much, but all my fingers remained attached, so success.

6pm, Ate together with Karen’s family and the in-laws of my in-laws.  It was nice.

7pm, came home, still no power.  There is no god.

8:30pm, went back to gym.  Went swimming.  Sore all over from mopping.

9:30pm, went home, no power still.  Folks across the fucking street now have power.

There is a god, and we’re being trolled, right?


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